


We All Scream for Ice Cream

by misura



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Pre-Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-17 09:24:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14829662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: Bruce considered his situation. Evidence notwithstanding, he didn'tseemto be dreaming. "Are you hanging upside down from the ceiling right now?""Pretty cool, huh?" the kid said.





	We All Scream for Ice Cream

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dusty (adustyspectacle)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/adustyspectacle/gifts).



Being woken up by someone jumping on him was not Bruce's idea of fun.

"Mr Stark! I didn't know you were back in town! Did you find your friend? Can I - oh."

Being woken up by someone jumping on him _while mistaking him for Tony_ was worse. (Also: 'Mr Stark'? Seriously? Sure, the kid looked young, but not _that_ young.)

"Hi," he said, pulling down enough of the blankets to make his identity clear. Tony, being Tony, appeared to have made himself scarce, which figured.

He and Tony were going to have a not-so-nice, very long conversation about that time Tony sort of left him stranded in the middle of nowhere, without so much as a 'hey, you, everything all right over there?' via Quinjet - never mind that Bruce had been in no position to receive or view such a message.

It was the principle of the thing.

"Peter. Peter Parker," the kid said.

"Nice to meet you, Peter Peter Parker." Bruce considered his situation. Evidence notwithstanding, he didn't _seem_ to be dreaming. "Are you hanging upside down from the ceiling right now?"

"Pretty cool, huh?" the kid said. "Hey, I know you. You're whatsisname, just give me a moment here, I'm sure it'll come to me, right on the tip of my tongue - "

"Bruce Banner," Bruce said.

"Mr. Stark is going to be so happy you're here!" the kid said. "Oh, man! I can't wait to see his face! Any idea where he is, by the way? Is he still out? I mean, he told me he was going to be looking for you, and you're right here, so ... "

"Yeah," Bruce said. "I'm right here. In his home. In his bed, even. Fancy that, huh? Think maybe he knows? Think maybe, oh, I don't know, he found me and that's why I'm here? I'm just spitballing here, really."

"Oh." The kid abruptly dropped from the ceiling. Looking at him became a lot more comfortable, even if Bruce also felt vaguely guilty. "Right. Yeah. I guess. But, I mean, he promised me he'd call me the moment he was back. We were going to get ice cream together!"

_Welcome to my life._

"How's this," Bruce said. "You give me a bit of privacy to put some pants on, and we'll go and look for Tony together, huh? I'm sure he can straighten all of this out."

_I'm sure he can't, but I'm feeling petty, and sorry, kid, you're way too perky and gullible for me to resist._

 

Tony was not in the kitchen - _big shock!_ , but there was some fresh coffee and edible, non-alien food, so Bruce decided to call for a pause in the Big Tony Hunt anyway.

"So how'd you know Tony, anyway?" No JARVIS to wish him 'good morning'. That was going to take some getting used to, assuming he was going to stick around.

"Oh, we're - I don't know, friends?" Peter looked up at the ceiling as if he wanted to get up there again.

 _Well, if_ you _don't know, how am I supposed to?_ "Uh-huh," Bruce said.

"But, like, good friends?" Peter asked. "We're pretty close. Not weird close or anything."

 _Am I a bad person? I feel like maybe I'm a bad person._ " 'Not weird close'," Bruce repeated. "I'm sorry, but what the hell does that mean? And speaking of weird, what's with the - you know." Upon reflection, Peter probably didn't. "The costume."

"I'm Spider-Man?" Peter asked. "But it's kind of my secret identity?"

 _Won't be secret for very long if you keep telling people._ "Big secret, huh? Don't worry, you can trust me."

"That's what Mr Stark says," Peter said. "Well, not you, specifically. But people. Most people, you can trust to do the right thing."

 _Tony, so help me God, if I find out you've started drinking again ..._ "Tony said that? Really."

"Really," Peter said. "He's a great guy."

 _I think I'm going to puke._ "Pretty good in bed, too, huh? I mean, if you like the over-achieving type."

Peter froze. It wasn't that he'd actually been doing anything, Bruce realized: he was just the kind of person who was in constant motion until he wasn't. "I - uh. Hey! Mr Stark! Look who I found!"

"Truly, it's a Christmas miracle," Tony said. Bruce wondered how long he'd been lingering out of view, eavesdropping. "Morning, sleepyhead."

"I got up at seven!" Peter said. "I caught two pick-pockets, and I rescued a cat from a tree. It scratched me!" He sounded proud.

Tony sighed. "I'll go get the first-aid kit."

 

"Let me be the first to say this," Bruce said. "What the hell, Tony?"

Peter blinked. He was sitting in Tony's lap, pretty much, getting first-aided.

"Care to maybe rephrase that?" Tony asked. "I mean, that thing with Steve - okay, some bad calls, mistakes were made on both sides, but this? This is me, being responsible. This is me, being a mature, sensible person."

"You wouldn't know maturity if it bit you in the ass," Bruce said.

"Won't know that until you try," Tony said. "You had your chance last night, champ. Should've taken it. Then we could've had a practical discussion instead of a theoretical one."

"Is this a midlife-crisis?" Tony was about due, Bruce figured. A midlife-crisis, or maybe a mental breakdown. "Is that what this is? For god's sake, Tony. Look at him."

"I am. I have. Jealous?" Tony smirked.

"Your boyfriend, who's a lot older than you are, also happens to be a cheating asshole," Bruce told Peter. "Just a friendly heads-up from a guy who's been there, done that."

"T-shirt's in the laundry, by the way," Tony said.

Bruce stared at him. (Peter, he noticed, was staring at _him_.) "That's it? That's all you're going to say?"

"Well, it seems a bit early in the day to propose a threesome, so." Tony shrugged. "You've met, you're obviously bonding over a mutual attraction to genius playboy billionaires. What say I leave you two to it while I go back to work? You can go for ice cream or something."

"I know a great place!" Peter jumped up. Bruce could see Tony's eyes wandering to his ass.

Admittedly, it was a pretty cute ass.

"I hate you," Bruce told Tony.

"That's the spirit," Tony said. "Have fun, you two. Don't start anything without me."


End file.
